The Struggle Within

Every single person in the world has a struggle within themselves. Every person’s struggle, in perspective, is equally as difficult. Everyone needs to realize that even though someone else’s struggle may not seem as difficult as their own, it could be one of the other person’s hardest battles. I will never know the struggle of cutting, suicide, drugs, alcohol, sex addiction, eating disorders, or murder. However, I know the struggle of loneliness and the feeling of abandonment. No, I have not actually been abandoned by my family, but from a young age I always felt like people were just leaving me behind and not explaining to me the reasons they were leaving me. When I was 8 my oldest brother moved out and that shook my world. I had a difficult time because I would finally get in a close relationship with my siblings, and then they would move out/get married. It was really difficult for me. I will always remember what my brother told me when he moved to Ohio a few years later, “Don’t ever stay angry at me, it eats away at you”. I was in my bed crying because he was leaving me behind, again. As I have grown up, I have realized the necessity it feels to need to get out on our own, so now I understand why he needed to go. I finally got in a close relationship with my second oldest brother and he got married and started having children. This continues on for my sister and youngest brother. However, I have sort of overcome this feeling. I say “sort of” because I have put the feeling into God’s hands and He has never abandoned me, nor will He ever leave me. The feeling still lingers behind when people leave, but I have figured out what to do with that feeling.

Loneliness is a whole other thing. Due to feeling abandoned, I have felt lonely for the majority of my life. I would have really good friends and then they would just walk away from me and never look back. Because of my friends walking away, I don’t have very many close friends, I try to keep my heart hidden from a lot of people because I have been hurt too many times by my friends. However, not sharing my heart and not putting myself in a place to be vulnerable has affected my life, in that I don’t have very many good friends. The struggle of loneliness always hits really hard around the holidays. My family gets together and I’m the only one who doesn’t have someone with me, no guy, no kids, it’s just me. I am not saying any of this to get your pity, I don’t want your pity. I’m just saying this to be real with you. To be vulnerable. To prove that my “happy go lucky” outside does not completely match my inside. However, my “happy go lucky” attitude has only ever been achieved through Christ. He has given me so much to be joyful about. He has given me a loving family, a beautiful home, amazing friends, and most importantly, He has given His Son so that I can live eternally with Him.

Get perspective. Never degrade someone because their struggle does not compare to your struggle. No two people live the same life. They may live very similar lives, however, they did not live the exact same life. As the common hashtag says, “the struggle is real”, well, it really is. However, there is always joy and hope through Jesus Christ our Savior. He is the light in this very, very dark world. Murderers are saved, sex addicts are saved, eating disorders are saved, drug addicts are saved, alcoholics are saved, cutters are saved, suicidals are saved. God can save everyone. God understands our struggles. He is there through it all, He will guide you through it. He can make us brave throughout the whole struggle. Because of Him, I can conquer the struggles I have. Every time Satan comes in with the feelings of loneliness and abandonment, I will pray to God that He will conquer that battle in my heart and head. Satan does not belong in me, nor does he belong in you. Pray to God to get you through the struggle. He’ll be there. He is faithful.